(VOVWORLD) - "Catch a wife" is a traditional custom of the Mong and some other ethnic groups in Vietnam’s northwest region. The custom of a man pulling a woman to be his wife usually takes place at fairs and festivals. The couples are already in love and preparing to get married. But for many years, the custom was interpreted as "marriage by capture." Ma Thi Di, a 14-year-old Hmong girl in Sapa town, Lao Cai province, courageously resisted the backward custom and would not let others arrange her marriage and steal her life.
 Ma Thi Di in the film "Children of the Mist" by Director Ha Le Diem. (Photo: VNA) |
- Di: "I don't want to get married. Not because I have someone else, but because I want to go to school."
- Di’s mother: "Marriage should be the child’s decision. We’re just the parents. We should not force them."
- Di (cry): "I won’t go! I don’t want to go. I don’t want to. I don’t love him."
- The man’s family: "Let's just build a new life. Take it easy girl."
This was the scene when 14-year-old Ma Thi Di was caught by the family of Vang, a Hmong man who had just met her at a market fair in 2017. Unlike other Mong girls who agreed to get married after being "caught ", Di fiercely protested.
Di, now 20, recalls, “When I was caught, I was very surprised. I was thinking I needed to go to school to learn more things. I was determined to ignore other people’s criticism. I had to oppose the 'bride kidnapping' custom. I had decided not to get married early and I had to oppose it.”
Di continued going school while many of her peers got married. Eventually she married a man she truly loves. Di now has an online store that sells ethnic costumes.
“I want to tell ethnic children in mountain areas that they should pursue their dreams and do what they want. There are many things we don’t know and need to learn,” said Di.
Di’s mother, Chau Thi Say had an arranged marriage according to Mong custom. 6 years ago, she experienced a psychological struggle between following the custom or respecting her daughter’s decision and protecting her happiness.
“I really wanted my daughter to finish high school and study further. But marriage by abduction is a custom and I can’t change that. When my daughter disagreed, I talked to the man’s parents. I’m very happy that my daughter has a happy life now,” said Say.
 Ma Thi Di and her mother Chau Thi Say at a talk on the film "Children of the Mist" organized by the Vietnam Women's Union. (Photo: VOV) |
Ma Thi Di is one young Mong girl who dared to face the social prejudice to decide against choosing one’s own. Her grandmother and father also respected her decision.
Nguyen Le Hoai Anh, head of the Department of Social Work Foundations, at Hanoi National University of Education, said changing people’s attitudes and eliminating prejudices and gender stereotypes in Vietnam’s ethnic minority communities has made progress.
“The custom of catching a wife has beautiful aspects, but there are also things unsuitable for today's society. Di is an example of that. She has changed. Her family supports her and now they are all working to protect children’s rights and eliminate prejudices, discrimination, and inequality for ethnic minority girls.”
“Implementing gender equality and addressing the problems of women and children” is one of 10 projects under the National Target Program for Socio-economic Development in ethnic minority areas. Authorities and Women's Unions at all levels have been carrying out the project for 2 years and have made progress in changing the attitudes of ethnic people.
Ton Ngoc Hanh, Vice Chairwoman of the Vietnam Women's Union, said: “We issued 12 guidance documents and piloted models in eight provinces. The communication materials include printed and electronic documents, video clips, and comics in multiple ethnic languages to reach the target communities. We have helped women sell products to generate a stable income so they can care for their children and resist forced child marriage and inbreeding.”
The story of Ma Thi Di and the "steal a wife" custom in Vietnam’s northern region was featured in the documentary film "Children of the Mist" by Director Ha Le Diem.
The film won the Best International Film award at the Docaviv film festival and the Best Director award at the 2021 Amsterdam Documentary Film Festival. It was on the shortlist of 15 documentary films nominated for the 2023 Documentary Feature Film Oscar.
Ma Thi Di, who resisted an arranged marriage, came out of the mist of the "catch a wife" custom. The film tells Di’s story and provides an in-depth look at Vietnam’s ethnic minorities in an effort to increase equality for ethnic minority girls.
“I don’t want to go with you. You’re good, and so are your parents. But I don’t love you, so I won’t go with you. We should go our own way because we have nothing to tie us together,” Di said when she was “caught”.